so, i am making this blog because i may have been a little crazy lately and the person that has opened me up to all this new, wonderful stuff that is feelings and emotions no longer really wants to talk to me, and so i have been stewing in my own thoughts for far too long and need to write some of it down.
so ill start with the story of the "fiasco"-from the beginning around October or so: it all started with a couple games, as i am an avid non-competitive gamer-namely castle crashers and spore, the best games of 2008...unless im forgetting a couple. anyways, in playing these games, i do research and stuff online to unlock everything once ive beaten the game (well spore takes monumental effort to do so, and i havent played in a while), and i came upon some forum posts whaere there were little pixel dragons, and after a while i checked it out. it was a simple internet adoptibles site(dragcave.net) with nothing but dragons to grow and breed, and keep alive, and as im a dracophile(dragon-friend you dirty peoples) it interested me enough to try it-so i grabbed 4 eggs and hoped that my meager internet presence would cause the little drakes to hatch and grow-i was wrong, as it takes a week to hatch, i waited, and they all died. so i decided to give it another go but i looked on the forums to see how others made theirs grow-which led me to a fansite, and in this fansite was a chat, in which was a surprising ratio of girls to guys-but few legal of course. i stayed in chat nonetheless, just to hang out and chat, seeing as i needed some sort of life-why not chat online?
within this chatroom of mostly girls, i made quite some strides in opening myself up and being sociable, making a few friends, and even got comfortible enough to flirt(which i have previously been to shy to before). Of course i started "feeling" things others were: if someone was having a bad day, and bitching about it, it made me wish i was with them to fix it-to make them happy. i just wanted to make everyones life happier at that point, by helping them with their problems and making them feel better about themselves. ....then came the cyber-sex, which i was hesitant at first, seeing as i was a virgin, and not wanting to make anyone do anything they didnt want to do in the first place. it turned out that either they were lying or i was indeed good at it, either way, it led me to something extremely weird and uncanny: i tried to go to bed that night, but was hit by hysterical crying. i flip-flopped from one explanation to another, just uncertain as could be, since it was an awesome day in the chat.... i went from helplessness, to lovesickness, to tears of joy, to identity crisis...i dunno wtf it was, i was just crying. it was just for that night, and i was in a weird state for a couple days.
around this time, i had been thinking about a trip, more for myself than anything to go out on my own for a bit...i didnt know where id go or what i would do, then my tax return came in and decided id try to get a date for vday/my birthday, so i asked someone and they didnt replay back to me for a long while as she was preparing to move....
one of the girls i was cybering, ended up telling me a bit more about herself, and sadly, i said something that i shouldnt have, and i was a jerk for saying it-that pretty much ended that. that led me to THE one that this blog has been coming to....
oh uhh, i should save the rest for tomorrow...you know, like reality tv(which i loathe)
