ive given up trying to land four, she made it clear she doesnt want to put any effort into doing anything with me.
i still might be over-reacting, but heres what she said, but let me put it in the proper context. she was really tired and frustrated with her stolen wireless internet cutting out often, and prolly irritated at me a bit because i wanted to do something with her-she couldve at least came and seen me after her trip...but thats neither here nor there:
four: adam, i dont want to plan to do anything anytime
four: i would be happy to see you at game or sca
four: otherwise, i am not making plans
she says that shes not one to make plans-and thats true, but if you want to find someone you have to make the effort and look forward to it. she knows this, which is why im sure she doesnt want me. she prolly never did-but her mixed signals were so intriguing due to that i wanted her, and cant imagine someone "better" exists for me. so i continue my fruitless searches, running towards a dream that will never come true ...as i want them? interesting thought that...
all this leads me to realize that i am indeed emo-in a candy shell. ever since my "awakening" ive never been the same, and cant imagine how i was before 8 months ago-before i felt anything that truly mattered. i wish everything went differently from then on, maybe i could be happy, maybe i could have a job, maybe i could monetarily show how i feel to people that matter. this year was special to me, and now i think its made me realize how depressing life can truly be...but theres still a couple months left to prove me wrong. I DARE IT TO.
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